Moms Talk: Being Liked

We've all had days in a slump, singing along to the old song, "nobody likes me, everybody hates me..." And, our kids will inevitably have them too. Helping them get through these days can be hard, even though we've had the same experience.

I have a friend who has a rule about pity parties—you get one day, one day to feel sorry for yourself, to sing your sad song. One day, and then it's time to buck up and get over it.

If someone doesn't want to play with us, it's time to find something else to do. Some people just have better rapport than others. Whether it’s because of personality, astrological compatibility or random similarities, favoritism is an inevitable fact of human nature.

Accepting this reality is the first step to feeling better about it.

When your child is experiencing difficulty as a result of favoritism, use it as an opportunity to talk about what behaviors might be helpful given the situation, and which ones are not. Every challenging feeling a kid faces is also an opportunity to learn. Get kids thinking more critically by asking questions, such as: Why do you think your friend doesn't want to play with you? What do you think you could do to make things better?

Understanding the reasons behind these behaviors can help kids feel better and also make better decisions about their behaviors, which can eventually land them in the favored category.

But, being favored can be fleeting. Change is as certain, as falling out of favor at some point in time. While being the favorite certainly can feel glorious, there are things to be learned from times when we’re not.

Good things can fall on both sides of the favored fence. Kids who are not favored are provided an opportunity to learn what behaviors will bring them more praise, while kids who are favored can learn which behaviors serve them well.

Careful of the barbs on that fence though, being overly favored, especially if it's without good cause, can lead to a sense of entitlement—they'd be better off eating some worms.