California Man Takes 16 Days to Realize He Won Big Jackpot: It took a California man a full sixteen days to realize he was a winner in California’s recent $324 million Maega Millions jackpot, because he had forgotten he had even bought a ticket. One can only hope this man and his family take some time to reflect upon all the love and kindness I would have shown them had I known them before they won all that cash.
Rescue Delayed for Icebound Ship in Antarctica: The latest attempt to rescue passengers on board a research vessel that’s been trapped in Antarctic ice for more than a week was delayed again after sea ice prevented a barge from reaching one of the rescue vessels. Rescue efforts appear to be on ice.
Man Wielding Bible and Hammer Tasered by Police: Police were forced to use a stun gun to subdue an Oklahoma man wielding a hammer and a Bible at a local trailer park after the man refused to drop the hammer during a fight with another man, claiming he was just doing God’s work. Now before everyone criticizes this guy, I think its important to remember that he had a hammer and Jesus was a carpenter after all. If you ask me, this guy really nailed it.
Kim Jong Un Fed His Uncle to 120 Starving Dogs: North Korean leader Kim Jong Un executed his uncle and a handful of the man’s aides by feeding them to a horde of 120 starving dogs, according to a shocking (but unconfirmed) account. All I can say is, the Kim clan seems to have a rather interesting definition of what passes for “family time.”
Study Finds Your Alcoholic Beverage Choice Reveals How You Vote: According to a recent survey, your favorite alcoholic beverage says a lot about the way you vote, with Democrats more likely to reach for Absolut, Grey Goose or Stolichnaya vodkas and Republicans Beefeater, Crown Royal or Jim Beam. On the other hand, it turns out people who drink Jägermeister are basically incapable of even finding their polling place.
One-Armed Bandit Captured: A bank robbery suspect in west Orlando surprised police officers when the his prosthetic arm popped off during his arrest. Needless to say, the handcuffing didn’t go all that well. The man was arrested and charged with “arm robbery.”