Road to Publication: Putting Yourself Out There

I was thinking it would be a fun change of pace to write a short Halloween story for this blog when I remembered one I’d written several years ago. I pulled it up from the depths of my hard drive and started reading and revising. Suddenly I stopped. My scalp prickled. My stomach clenched. It was a feeling I recognized as fear. The feeling I got as a kid right before an organ (yes, organ) recital. The feeling I had at least one week before I was to stand in front of the class and give my oral report. The same feeling I had now when I realized this would be my first publicized story, a story that people might actually (gulp) read, a story they may or (terrifying thought) may not like. Yes, fear had struck: fear of failure, ridicule, exposure.

I’ve had pieces published in children’s magazines. But those were non-fiction articles backed up with facts. A story is different. It’s just you that you’re putting out there, you and your imagination, perhaps your dreams, memories, beliefs, influences. It’s you and your characters who might have a bit of “you” in them or other endearing or quirky traits taken from real people in your life.

It hit me that I’ve been working so hard over the years to become published, working toward the dream of the glorified writer’s life that was bound to be mine once my masterpiece was in the hands of my devoted readers. And now, slam, back to earth. What if…what if nobody likes my story? What if all the work, the research, the writing, the revising, the love I’ve put into it comes to nothing? Nothing because (stomach clenching) nobody wants to read it.

The thought is enough to make a writer turn off her computer, slink from her office and close the door, leaving the risk of exposure, of putting herself out there, of vulnerability, in the dark, sealed room.

No matter what the reason is, what you’re trying to accomplish, when you put yourself out there, you’re vulnerable to criticism and rejection. It took a lot for me to finally let a critique group read my work. It wasn’t easy for me to send my work out to agents and editors. And it took quite a toll on my confidence when I received rejection after rejection.

I write because I love it, but I also write with an eye toward my audience. I want people to read my work, my stories. And because of that, I take a risk. I hesitate briefly before hitting the “submit” button. I brace myself for what will come after. But I know if I don’t take that risk, my dream will die.

I need to trust and believe in myself and what I’ve chosen to do, because that dream is something I simply can’t live without.

Are you confident about putting yourself out there, or do you struggle with fears of exposure?