Face eating in Miami, a man who spat his own blood at a police officer near Orlando, mysterious rash outbreaks in high schools, whatever the hell this is, and this on the CDC website, have some people in a panic. In fact I'm sure that some people are buying shotguns and canned goods, bunking down and yelling at their neighbors to "hide ya wives, hide ya kids" because people are getting their faces eaten off. No big deal.
While these same kooks are panicking about the zombie apocalypse being nigh, I for one am excited. I have been preparing for this for a long time, and frankly I was beginning to worry whether or not it would happen before I die.
Now I know, the face eating guy was on bath salts or some equally ridiculous thing to smoke and the outbreak of the zombie virus is probably not upon us. Nevertheless, here's why we wouldn't have to worry even if it was.
Now, every time the topic of zombies came up (which, now that I think about it, happened all too often...), I would delve into my plan, sometimes into unnecessary detail. It of course starts with gathering loved ones, family, blah blah blah. Then we either go to the harbor and steal a boat, or I would lock myself up in borders and barricade the windows. I always preferred the latter because it's a secret fantasy of mine to have to be in a bookstore all day and night.
First of all, we have no need to get in a panic over this. Surely after all the movies that have come out on the topic we can be ready. It's broken down into simple questions like, are they walkers or runners? Can they open doors? Do they rely on sight or sound? Are they intelligent or limping drooling "Braaiiinnns" types? How will we find a gun in Santa Cruz?
Forget the police force or CIA or whatever military driven epic battle you've see in the movies. I'm sure the hardcore gamers and avid comic readers will emerge from their dimly lit rooms and flashing screens long enough to squash the undead uprising armed with bats and golf clubs that just give you that nice crunch!.
So do not fear my friends, the zombies may be coming, but we've been waiting.
